The other side of the “dialectic” here is self-invalidation.Self-invalidation involves rejecting or invalidating your emotions.Therefore, instead of criticizing or berating yourself for how you feel, start by simply asking yourself how your emotions make sense. Seek help from a trusted therapist or close loved one if you’re having difficulty seeing how your emotions make sense. Validating yourself won’t take away your emotions, but it is an act of kindness and understanding that will likely make them easier to bear. To adapt to this unhealthy and dysfunctional environment, the working relationship between his thoughts and feelings becomes twisted. The Power of Positive Thinking was a big one at the time.His emotional responses, emotional management, and emotional development will likely be seriously, and perhaps permanently, impaired. She would have me read to her while she made dinner. I believe in being mindful of our feelings, and expressing them unless it would be harmful to someone else in which case, find a safe outlet write, paint, maybe vent to a listening friend.
Telling a person she shouldn't feel the way she does feel is akin to telling water it shouldn't be wet, grass it shouldn't be green, or rocks they shouldn't be hard. Whether we like or understand someone's feelings, they are still real. During those times I have to focus on one thing at a time, ask for help if I can, try to do it well, and accept some things just wont happen as ideally as Id like.When you have BPD and strong emotional vulnerability, managing your emotional system can be like trying to fly a fighter jet.It takes a lot of skill and training to operate the many dials and buttons and adjust based on the various dials and gauges.In DBT, we believe that people can learn to invalidate themselves by growing up in invalidating environments or being around other environments that invalidate their emotions.Beyond parents or caregivers, society (including mental health treatment providers) can be invalidating and outright rejecting to people who struggle with mental health problems.